A Big Update, With Pictures

It's been a couple of days since I've updated, I'm sure you're all dieing to hear how the bike race went. Remember, it was a 40km trail ride, rain or shine. Well, unfortunately it rained...and rained and rained. I refused to get discouraged though and Saturday evening we added some gadgets to Pedals and I packed up her saddle bags and my rain gear and refused to let the weather get me down.





Sunday morning we arrived bright and early, I was excited and ready to go. The race started sharp at 10am and it went great. For approximately 3km. And then I took a wrong turn and ended up riding 3km out of my way, turning around and riding back. No problem. I was a little upset about my stupidity but all was well, I was back on track...and the blabber mouth stranger-lady who had been right behind me wafting enough perfume to fell a horse, well she was gone and I was alone. Excellent! (That's me in the white behind the dude in the yellow)

It started to rain a bit harder and I realized I was probably the dead last person due to my mis-turn. Coming up to approximately kilometer 8 I was coming over a wooden bridge which turned down the the right and into a bit of soft gravel. I figured I was going a bit too fast and didn't want to hit the soft gravel so I attempted to slow down...and that's where the whole day went for a shit. I locked up the front tire, the bike bucked me off, I hit the side of the bridge with my shoulder, bounced off, landed on my left hand and left knee and slid about 10 feet. Thank GOD for the raingear I was wearing, it saved me leaving my skin behind on the bridge. I was covered in grit and green slime, my shoulder was flaming and my hands were throbbing. I was fortunate that a very nice stranger happened upon me and helped me to put the chain back on my bike and send me on my way. I rode to approximately kilometer 25 and had no choice but to stop and take my rain gear off. The tension on the rainpants against my rapidly swelling knee became too painful to ignore.


Ultimately I ended up finishing the 40km in 2 and a half hours and had I not gotten lost and then had an accident, I should have finished in well under 2 hours.












That night my knee went ballistic and continued to swell and my shoulder seized up. Today I went to my chiropractor

who relocated my partially dislocated shoulder and did a couple things to my knee which have drastically reduced the swelling. I'll be back in fighting form in no time!



















In happier news, we managed to limp through the flower store this afternoon and I got my bedding plants for our gardens. So pretty...much prettier than the big bruise flower I'm growing on my knee!





Bike racing isn't for me, I'll stick with jogging, seems safer!

Two More Days!

Happy Friday! It's only two more days until my big bicycle event. I will be riding 40km (25 miles) with my girl Pedals (I really need a better picture of the two of us) but unfortunately Mother Nature is being kind of a cow and it's supposed to rain on Sunday. :( I have rain gear and waterproof foot covers, helmet cover etc. But I am super excited about doing this ride and my enthusiasm is taking a bit of a shit kicking right now because of the weather forecast. Ah, well....not much I can do about it. I guess it'll put my new rain gear to good use.

I am having a bit of a mental debate about this ride too. It's 40km all in one go and the fat girl in my head is throwing a parade and making the list of all the things that she wants to eat because we're going FORTY KILOMETERS! The fit girl who would like to still drop a couple of pounds and doesn't want to feel like a bag of shit at the end of this does not agree and would like to eat a little more but not go off the rails. It's a bit of a battle right now. It'll be interesting to see who wins this battle...because right now, I couldn't tell you what's going to happen.

My original plan had been to put up tweets and FB along the way but in the face of rain, my iPhone will likely stay tucked away, dry and warm. Ray is going to be taking some pictures and I'll take some when I am finished which will all get posted here after the event, but beyond that, I think no updates. Besides, I doubt very much that this is interesting to anyone other than myself.

In other news, I told Ray about my Half Marathon plan and figured I would get a lukewarm reaction at best but he was very supportive and was helping me make some plans to get my back fixed and get some orthotics for my feet so I'm more comfortable and less injured. I was really impressed by his reaction, actually. As soon as my back doesn't seize up every time I jog, I'm going to adopt the first four weeks of the half marathon training and see how that goes. The training giude I'll be using is Hal Higdon Half Marathon for Novices and the first four weeks are pretty much what I do/can do now, I just don't run that many times a week...the distances are fine, I need to get used to the frequency again.

Anyway, that's all for me at the moment. We're going out for pub dinner with Ray's daughter and fiance tonight...I believe I will be having a Thai chicken wrap with salad. Not too off the rails, right?!

A Letter

I wrote a Dear Body letter a little over three years ago, back when I first started down a healthier pathway. I thought that maybe it's time to revisit that. I would also love if you would write yourself a Dear Body letter...and if you want, send me the link to it. It's an amazing way of connecting with yourself physically and emotionally at different stages of your life. Even if you don't send the link or post the letter, I think it's well worth doing anyway. Just a suggestion.

Dear Body,

Hi! Holy smokes, it's been a long time since I've written to you. So many things have changed and yet so many of them are still the same. You and Mind are much better friends now and that seems to have really settled you down. You've been at a proper weight now for three years and I'm so proud of you (and us!).

You really have astounded me lately with your ability to keep pushing even when you're exhausted and worn down. You seem to have these secret little reserves of super-energy that you can pull out when required. If Mind is quiet enough to let us get on with the task at hand, you really do rock it. These last six months haven't been easy on any of us, what with your heart getting sick and then being a bit difficult to deal with at times, with the immense amount of work that you've had to do to help me take care of Ray and our home and our life. I'm grateful that you didn't decide to tell me to pound it and just cop out and leave me stranded.

Sometimes, Body, when I think about you, I still occassionally picture you when you were unhealthy and overweight. I sometimes get lost in the mental chatter and then I look in the mirror and see what a remarkable change we've made and I'm overwhelmed. We're in the process of making another transformation of sorts and you're really taking to it well. Your upper half is developing nicely with the new weights routine and your legs are becoming crazy strong and solid with muscle from all the running and cycling. Sometimes I get annoyed that your legs are not slender and that the pantlegs of jeans always fit a bit tight. But your legs are not fat or flabby, they are hard and powerful and that is great! It also makes me eternally happy when Ray comments on how fantastic your rear looks because we have worked hella hard on it! I'm trying really hard to help you with your posture and it's coming along, it's just a bit of a slow go, we've had shitty posture for 32 years! Try to remember, when I'm sitting you up straight or sucking your tummy in, that we look nicer and stronger and fitter when we have proper posture. Beaten down and squashed is not a good look for you.

I think I've finally figured you out, Body, as far as food goes and I promise to keep working to finesse the input so that your output in exercise and overall wellness is optimal. I know you hate starchy carbs and sugar hurts your tummy and your skin is allergic to dairy. As you can see, Body, that makes it kind of difficult to feed you and it is also much more time consuming to shop for you and prepare your meals. I know that as soon as I feed you properly, you respond amazingly as far as dropping extra bloat/pounds and generally feeling better. But sometimes, Body, a girl just needs to eat a Lindt bunny or a fluffy white bread sandwich and I would really appreciate if you didn't pitch a fit everytime.

I've made some plans for us over the next year, more committment to yoga and Pedals, we're going to get your back taken care of and continue to strengthen all your muscles. And then? We're going to run a half marathon. I know you're up for the challenge, it's a ways away and we're going to train smart and hard.

You and me, Body, we're together forever and we are young and vital and we're going to live that way. Rock on, Gorgeous!

I'm Sorry, I'm going HOW FAR??

Last night when I got home, Ray made dinner (HURRAY!!!) and then we went for a drive. I have the route map for my bicycle ride for Sunday and we thought it would be nice for me to have an approximate sense of where I'll be going.

The ride is 40 kilometers which I've been saying all along should be no problem at all. But Holy CRAP, that is FAR! By about a third of the way through the map I started to have a bit of a panic attack...which escalated the further that we drove and turned into a crazy amount of self doubt that climbed onto the panic turned into a whole ball of mess. Well...not really....well...ya, sort of! 40km is frigging FAR! It would be the equivilant of riding my bike to and from work three times!

I'm relying on the fact that they say it's an average of a 2 hour ride...and averages are figured out based on people of all ages and fitness levels completing the course...which means that since I'm reasonably fit, it shouldn't take me tooooo long to do it.

My biggest worry about the whole thing isn't really the distance, it's fuel. I am the sort who, when active, burns through calories really fast and I'm not really interested in bonking on the side of the DeBoeville dyke in the middle of frigging nowhere. So on the way home from our scenic drive yesterday we stopped at Planet Organic and picked up two Luna bars. I will also peel and pack an orange, a banana, a couple extra insulated bottles of water and a G2 drink. Total calories that I'm taking with me are about 300 and I expect to burn abput 750 during the ride. There will also be tonnes of food there before and after so I think it should be fine. I really hope it'll be fine. It'll totally be fine. Right? eep.

Something else that I've decided today...well....something I've been thinking about for quite awhile now but just finally meshed in my head. I'm going to train for and complete a Half Marathon. I found one in Seattle that is in July. While I will not be attending this year's event, I thought that next year I will do that. It's a Ladies Only, Chocolate and Champagne Half Marathon put on my See Jane Run. Since you only really TRAIN for the event 12-14 weeks prior, I thought that for the next year I would keep that Half Mary in the back of my head during my workouts etc...and do some stuff now that will help make sure I don't become injured during the actual run training. That means improving my posture, strengthening the muscles around my knees and in my back, training the shin splints away etc. Then, next April I should be set to start the actual Half training.

I'm kind of excited. I know it's a loooong way away, over a year, and anything can happen and plans can change...but I've been thinking about doing a half marathon for awhile now and when I saw the Chocolate and Champagne one in Seattle, I figured that it was a sign that this was my event...booze and chocolate, how can that NOT be a sign?

Tonight after work I'm doing my interval training on the stationary bike...I usually do about 45 minutes of interval hill training, it's a hard workout but I'm up for it. I was supposed to go this morning but when the alarm went off at 4am, I just couldn't do it. My pillow was so soft, I could hear the rain on the back deck and Ray was breathing gently onto my cheek which felt so innocent and snuggly, I just couldn't get up. So, since we have no plans tonight, I moved gym-morning to gym-after-work. What is the goal? Fit, Health, Weigh loss. Does this still serve my goal? Yes. And even more so because getting out from under my blankets and away from my sweetheart this morning would have bred resentment and anger....not healthy...not in keeping with the goals.

PS. I don't think I mentioned it here. My mom and I did the 5k in Port Moody on Mother's Day. I ran it in 33:49 (PERSONAL BEST!!!!) and came in 182/233 people...6th out of 12 in my age category. My mom did 38:28 and came in 200/233...last in her age category, but holy crap, she smoked it!

Shhhh....listen......

I have debated whether or not to keep writing on this blog because it seems that all I keep writing about is how I'm struggling and trying to find my new path after a health crisis and how nothing that I used to do really works anymore. And then I remembered two things. First, this is MY blog and if it helps me to write it out then that's reason enough to stay. And second, maybe someone else is struggling and feels like they are the only one who doesn't have this shit all figured out. If they stop in here maybe they won't feel alone. So on I go.

Last night I was laying in bed at 8pm so that I could go to the gym early this morning and all that was in my head was noise. It was annoying but in order to shut it up, I figured I should probably try to hear what the noise was actually saying. Sounds corny, right? Whatever, my blog, remember? ;)

So I started listening....and quietly, out of the cacophony, I kept hearing the same phrase over and over and over. What is the goal? What is the goal? What is the goal? What is the goal? I wondered gently, if I kept listening, would I hear the answer to that question? So I layed there. What is the goal? What is the goal? What is the goal? Fit. What is the goal? What is the goal? Health. What is the goal? What is the goal? Weight loss. What is the goal?

And on and on, the question kept repeating and the three answers, Fit, Health, Weight Loss kept coming up. The definite winner was Fit, followed closely by Health and then Weight Loss. I know this might sound strange, but it's pretty much exactly how it happened, it was definitely weird.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that my head is not the only one with an absolute riot of noise all the time. It's loud under my hair and sometimes it's terribly difficult to make sense of the noise. It is also distracting and a person can get focussed on the wrong phrases. The negative self talk is louder and more obnoxious than anything else and as we all know, the louder you are, the more attention people pay to you whether good or bad. Thinking constantly about the wrong things or the right things in the wrong context actually creates stress...which creates cortisol, which stops weight loss and increases belly fat and exhaustion and emotional fragility. Stress is insidious and those voices, if they aren't serving you properly, are damaging!

Maybe I was unknowingly meditating last night. Maybe, because I wasn't quite tired enough to sleep, I was quiet and still enough to hear that tiny voice that is always there but rarely heard.

It's such a simple question. What is the goal?

I had a May month long workout plan all written up, similar to AFC but I've decided to revise May to a different sort of plan. I will stick with my AFC routine (minus the Tuesday yoga) for the month of May because I still have to exercise and I have all sorts of fun activities coming up. But here's the new part. When it gets too loud or too negative, I am going to make a conscious effort to stop the chatter and replace that with "What's the goal?". And then I will answer the question however it fits right then, and act accordingly. When it is damn near impossible feeling to get out of bed at 4am, I will ask the question, "What's the goal?" and then conduct myself accordingly. When I feel like I should eat leftover Lindt bunnies, I will ask myself, What is the goal? and then proceed properly. This should actually help me to not burn out also...since one of the basic answers is "Health", and health is served by exercise but also by proper nutrition and REST.

This post has gotten long but there's just one more thing I wanted to touch on. In the same concept of listening to the content of the mental noise to find that tiny voice, there is definitely some value in listening to your body regarding nutrition. All the fitness magazines and websites and blogs that I read all recommend certain things...like protein after a workout or steel cut oats in the morning. I try to follow the recommendations of the experts in order to maximize my workouts and my nutrition to get the best possible results. But I've been feeling lately like I'm trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. I feel like some of the things that I'm doing, while 'recommended', don't actually work with MY body and my circumstances. I don't really believe that I need that much protein. And steel cut oats? Well, some days I feel like I need them for second breakfast and other days I really don't! It's all relative to how hard I worked out or what time of the month it is or just how the wind happens to be blowing. Our bodies are smart and they know exactly what they need and what they want. We just have to be quiet enough and still enough and trusting enough to listen to them. Especially for me right now, trying to find what works for me with the medication I'm taking for my heart condition, it is even more important to shush up and listen to what my body is telling me, it's the only way I'm going to figure this out.

The answers are all already there....I just have to find them amongst the noise.

Take Control

In a world where people make decisions that affect you without your input (work, government, spouses etc) it can be difficult to feel as though we have control over our own lives and our own destiny.

Oftentimes when you are 'taking control' by refusing to exercise or eating whatever you want and you are letting your inner voice tell you that what you are doing is alright because you are in charge of you...well....I think that's actually a symptom of a lack of control. A symptom of feelings of helplessness and fear.

I know that this week I've been an excuse-maker. Yes, on Tuesday and Wednesday I was sick so I baled and then I really didn't see much point in packing all of my gym stuff up to go just on Thursday morning so I called that day off also. That is not control. That is allowing your life and events to control you and allowing other things to determine your results and success.

I really think that given enough time, a person can become paralyzed with fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear that it's never going to be enough. That fear can stop you in your tracks or even prevent you from starting.

April Fitness Challenge didn't exactly go the way that I wanted and May has not exactly started out with a bang. Some weeks and some days in AFC were fantastic! I saw results in definition and texture and shape. However, I did not see any pounds lost or size decrease like I had hoped. Because of that, I became fearful that no matter what I do, it's not going to be good enough and that fear caused a fiery crash near the end. (I also slightly burned out because I didn't take the rest of my crazy life into consideration but that's a different post).

My effort to take control following the crash was really a lack of control. I didn't really change anything in order to have better success, I moreso just refused to do much of anything. I still spinned and I still rode Pedals and I still jogged a couple 5ks but as far as working hard consistently? Nope....that fear of not succeeding planted a seed in my head that I would show control of my ultimate destiny.....by not really trying that hard....so that when it didn't work (you see, I've already declared that it's not going to work), I wouldn't be the failure, it would have failed because I could have done better.

It's so strange because I have obviously put in a lot of work and effort over the years to get where I am.....and while where I am is acceptable, it's not where I want to be, not really. And yet? I'm not really putting in a tonne of work to get there. I'm not really making every effort. I definitely have the illusion of effort and, don't get me wrong, when I'm working out at the gym or on Pedals, I'm killing it as hard as I can. But there are aspects, mostly food and booze, where I am holding myself back from making the changes I need to make in order to get where I want to be. That's not control, that's fear of success. And it's weird, I don't get it. I do not get why, when I want something more so badly that the lack of success in getting there makes me feel icky inside, why don't I do what I know needs to be done to get there? Why put in ALL THAT WORK going to the gym and spinning and riding and jogging and then not follow through with the food and booze?

Uhhh...

I have killer cramps, work is ridiculous this morning and I didn't go to the gym.

That is all.

Back tomorrow.

Oh Tuesday, You Got Me Again!

Morning,

Much like last Tuesday, at 4am this morning when my alarm went off, I chose to reset it to 6am and go back to sleep. I refuse to feel guilty about this. Best laid plans are just that, plans, and the plan I made a month ago for May didn't work for this morning. It's an unfortunate time of the month and I feel like crap and getting up at 4am wasn't in the cards. No worries, no guilt.


I jogged 5km yesterday after work, 34:13. It was one of those days when I felt like I could have gone forever. One of those rare days when it didn't feel like work, it didn't hurt and I wasn't begging for it to be over. The unfortunate part is that I had to leave after 5km because we had to go and vote.


On Sunday I am hoping that the weather is going to be lovely (or at least not raining) because there is a Mother's Day 5km jog in Port Moody that my mom and I are going to do, but only if it's not raining. I'm all stoked up for it and I don't want it to get rained out, 5km through Port Moody Inlet will be lovely on a sunny morning. It doesn't look that promising right now but it's still a long way off, fingers crossed!


That's really all I have today. I think that when I get home from work we're going to be doing some yardwork, ripping out a couple of trees with the truck/winch, which I will cut up at a later date. Dinner is going to be Maple BBQ Salmon Kabobs with grilled asparagus and jasmine rice. Canucks play at 6pm and there is still some wine left in the bottle so it should be a nice evening!

AFC Ends With A Bang!

Morning!


I'm not sure if it was my decision to be jolly this weekend or the beautiful sunshine that we had from Friday afternoon to Sunday night but jolly I was and it was delicious! Mayhap, I shall be jolly this week also, in spite of today's drizzle?


Because, with all good blogs/diaries, this little slice of internet is first for me, I am going to do my weekend recap again because I like to look back later and see what I was doing....so if you're bored by the antics in my world as they do not relate to weight loss or fitness, see you tomorrow! ;)


Friday night I decided to skip dinner with my mother in law and do something much more enjoyable! I trimmed the edges and then gave the front and back lawns a mow...first time since last September! I donned my gumboots, safety glasses and iPod shuffle and mowed my little heart out, it was absolutely fantastic! Now, if you think I'm nuts for my love of lawn mowing, maybe I am (and the other women in our neighborhood have told me that I make them look bad because I do and they don't...whatever!), but there have been many a year that I wished I had a lawn to mow or flowers to trim and I didn't. Now, I am beyond grateful that I do and I can and I embrace it every chance I get! This year I'm even going to buy a sprinkler and water the front lawn and fertilize it so I can have lush, green grass to mow instead of brown dust by the middle of the summer! Last year Ray wouldn't let me because he HATES mowing and if I fell off the mowing wagon he didn't want to have to do it. I guess this year he knows I won't stop doing it.






Saturday morning was the official end of AFC and it went out on a high note. 8:30am spinning class with a great instructor and then I did my hour of upper body weights, finished up with some 25lb weighted squats, some good stretching and a steam. We went out for our standard lovely Saturday lunch and then came home and got busy. I set Ray up with the pressure washer and a stool upstairs so he could clean the deck whilst remaining seated (worked great!) and I proceeded to work in the backyard. For three hours I ripped and chopped and pulled and bagged and raked. And the dent I made, while definitely noticeable via 'yard waste' was barely noticeable in the yard. Oy, the work that I will get to do this week!


On Friday night in our travels we happened upon some lovely patio furniture for a ridiculously good deal so on Saturday after we cleaned up our cleaning up, Ray assembled furniture. I took a truckload of cardboard recycling to the dump and then went and bought a bunch of bricks and brought them home. Fortunately (?) for me, Ray's injury means that I get to do all the heavy lifting and I am going to be BUFF! LOL. I carried all the bricks from the front of the house to the back, realized that they were all too large and then carried them back to the front, split them all with a sledge and then carried them aaaaallll the way back to the back and up the patio stairs.




The patio furniture is lovely with our giant offset umbrella we bought last month and we now have turned unused deck into lovely cafe-style retreat! Decorative outdoor pillows, an outdoor area rug and possibly a fire pit are to come along with some shade loving flowers to brighten it up. It's lovely now, it's gonna be gorgeous when we're done!

After all the hard work on Saturday, I thought to sleep in on Sunday however the sun was blazing and Ray thought that 8am would be a wonderful time for me to get up and take my girl Pedals out for a ride. I didn't really appreciate it in the moment but it was a wonderful idea and it was gorgeous out. I realized while I was out, that my ride coming up in two weeks might be more of a challenge that I had thought. Spinning in a studio, as hard as that is, is nothing like riding a proper bicycle outside and up hills. NOTHING! I plan to take her out a couple more times before May 15th, just to get some road time in. My saving grace is that while our home is in the hills of Coquitlam, the ride in May is actually mostly in the flats. Thank heaven!

Anyway, I've rambled on for quite long enough now, I think. The rest of Sunday was a write off for anything productive as we were out riding motorcycles and sitting on the new patio drinking beer. Jolly is as jolly does!

Happy May, let's make it A-MAY-ZING!

A Concerted Effort

Good Morning,

For the next three days, I am going to make a concerted effort and not for the activity you might think. I am going to make a concerted effort to keep a smile on my face and to gently remove that high anxiety, annoyed feeling that I seem to be feeling quite often.

You see, I am a young and vibrant person and I don't think that walking around with a scowl on my face is really that becoming, nor is it particularly healthy. I'm not saying that I'm snarly all the time but these last few months have really exposed some of my less flattering traits and that needs to stop. I am an adult and that means that if it pisses me off into a dishes-slamming rage to have to unload the dishwasher, I have the ability to just walk away and come back when I won't do something that will cause either bleeding, embarassment or the need to buy new dinnerware. Grocery shopping is not a contact sport and washing the darks shouldn't make you want to punch someone.

So this weekend, starting today, I'm going to make a concerted effort to be jolly. I am going to keep 'happy' and 'relaxed' in the forefront of my brain and make the best of the whole weekend, even the parts that I don't really appreciate.

Saturday morning I'm heading to spinning at 8:30am (my big bicycle ride is fast approaching!) and after that I'm going to do an hour of upper body weight lifting...not because I have to but because I really enjoy it and I missed a day this week which makes me feel ripped off...not guilty! On the way home from the gym I'm going to drop in on my hairdresser and beg her to, at the very least, trim my bangs so I don't look like a sheep dog any longer. And then I believe I will be meeting my man at home and probably going for a nice lunch.

I hope you also have a relaxed weekend, maybe you'll join me over the next three days in my effort to make a mental mind shift back to the positive. Let me know how you do!

All The Wrong Reasons

Well Good Morning! And thanks to stumbling upon a new blog, it is now a very good morning for me, very good indeed!

Yesterday's gym workout was terrible. TEEERR-EEEBBBLLLE. The likes of which has not been seen by me since...well, ever. I could barely jog half a mile before I had to stop and walk (note that in weeks previous I have made it in excess of 4+ miles before having to take a wee break). I ended up jogging for 30 minutes and I don't even think that I made 2 miles. It was pathetic and heartbreaking. I decided that perhaps I am not a morning jogger and that I should instead focus my attention on the stationary bike for 30 minutes. Right. I made it about 12 minutes and then quit. Yep, quit. Off I went to Stretching Corner and proceeded to stare off into space and beat the living shit out of myself for not doing better. For not going harder, for not taking advantage of the small amount of time that I have for exercise. Pretty much shit kicked myself at 5am. Lovely.

Got in the shower, degraded my flab while getting dressed, headed to work and then refused to let myself eat second breakfast because I didn't deserve it, I hadn't worked for it.

This morning I had 4am gym and aaaaalmost didn't go. I did a warmup and then pushed weights for an hour. It was a good effort (not like yesterday) but I have still been stuck in my head, wondering and yelling and berating and worrying over my apparant lack of progress in dropping these 10 pounds and increasing my endurance and muscle.

At work this morning our computers are down so I took the opportunity to look for new blogs to read. And boy did I find one!

This post
is my answer. This post completely explained, exactly at the right time, what my issue is. I started April Fitness Challenge at the beginning of April and I was having great success. I was loving my workouts and challenging myself and as a special bonus I had dropped 4 pounds in the first 2 weeks. And that's where it all went off the rails. Four pounds! Well that wasn't that difficult at all, if I work a little harder and a little longer I can lose more. If I eat a little less and work a little harder and a little longer, maybe I can look like a fitness model. YAY!

Dumb, dumb girl. What I did was stressed my body and turned my mind into a psycho success killer that never stopped. To quote Rachel:

All of the sudden, it was like nothing I did was good enough. My workouts weren’t long enough. My eating wasn’t clean enough. My journey became less about taking myself to the fitness limits and more about the carb/protein ratio. Nothing I did was good enough — especially in the food department.

Thanks to a random blog that I happened upon, I've made a mind shift back to where I should be. Back to doing good because it feels good and because I want to and I need the time alone and the self love. A mind shift away from how much weight I can lose and how much food that exercise means I can eat and how many calories I burn.

Back to where I should be and I'm flipping thrilled! I doubt that I will ever leap out of bed and burst into song at 4am, it will still be difficult to get up and get going but at least now I don't feel like where I'm going is to fight a losing battle. I'm not losing the fight, I was just at the wrong location!

I Have Some Questions

What I need is a little assistance today in the form of a sort-of-survey. Answer anonymously if you like, that's totally fine.

Where do you find your inspiration to maintain a healthy lifestyle or get out for a jog or wake up early and go to the gym? How do you turn off Bad Brain and let Good Brain take over?

Does keeping a regular strict schedule help you or hurt you?

Do you find that doing things like recycling and composting and living green help you to treat yourself better also?

Does looking at fitness or fashion magazines propel you to work harder or sink your self esteem?

What do you use for overall, longterm inspiration?

Do you have any tips/tricks for shorterm, in the moment, kick it harder inspiration?

Four Days Off And Already Distant Memory

G'day! Happy Post Easter Sugar Crash!

I am fortunate enough to have been able to take a vacation day so that I had a four day Easter weekend. Four days with which to recover and recharge and rejuvenate (and eat an insane amount of bunny). And? I'm not so sure it really worked. I mean, I guess it did, we got to ride bikes and have yummy dinners and spend time together and giggle and be silly together.

But as far as being recharged for more? More lunch making, more gym bag packing, more cooking, cleaning, organizing etc? Not so much. I'm about done with being the person who has to do everything and while normally I'm unwilling to ask for help, that ends today.

There are things that Ray can do in order to help me out. He can fold laundry if I bring it upstairs, he can unload the dishwasher throughout the day while I'm at work, he can put dinner in the oven, make grocery lists, take some recycling downstairs each time he goes, sort the newspapers for garbage day. There are lots of things that he can do to take the heat off of me and I just need to remember to let him/ask him. So that's that. It doesn't serve anyone's best interest for me to be a martyr. Nope.

This weekend I skipped spinning on Saturday morning and I skipped Long Jog on Monday in favour of four straight days of gym rest. I was fully ready to go back this morning and lift some weights, but I did NOT prepare myself mentally for getting out of bed at 4am and sadly, I was a skipper today. I have the last yoga class tonight and I am definitely ready for the gym tomorrow. I'm going to do a morning jog and see how that goes. I crave to get moving, I just need to get back to getting out of bed! Plus, I really liked the direction Ye Olde Body was headed in before my break(down) and that takes some effort. I'm ready for cleaner eating (and less of it, harder workouts starting in May and then middle of May I get to do the big bike ride.

I've realized that I'm in need of rest when I can get it and that no one expects me to have everything done all the time. Sitting on the sofa is just fine if that's what needs to happen....it just doesn't need to happen all of the time.


They finally put up the route for my bike ride so I can see where I'm going on May 15th. Seeing it made me all the more excited and ready to get out there. It bloody better not rain, warm sunshine is the way to be!

Ray is going out to his buddy's to watch the hockey game tonight, when I get home from Yoga I'm going to watch the hockey game in my snuggly bed where I will hopefully fall fast asleep following a winning game. 4am comes early and this time, I'm ready! Excuses don't get me anywhere...only dedicated consistant action changes the outcome.

Keep On Keeping On

That's what Tara said, Keep on Keeping on. That's the only option, isn't it?

Well, there's Giving Up which isn't an option and there's Giving IN which is different than Giving Up but also not an option.

So the only option, in spite of the immense frustration that I am feeling, is to Keep on Keeping On.

I have somehow managed to GAIN 4.8 pounds this week. That's what the scale says, obviously that's not truly possible....I think the gain is there but it's not fat from overeating or lack of exercise, it's a symptom of something else. I did some serious thinking during my workout this morning and have come up with the following.

A) I cannot eat bread. Certainly not as much bread as we had this week (I made split pea soup and we ate loads and loads of fresh bread with it). Bread/gluten/grains, whatever. They bloat my stomach and screw with my hydration and make me all sorts of uncomfortable. A bun or a wrap occassionally is no problem. Bread every day, slathered with butter, slathered with peanut butter, dipped in soup, nibbled on at every opportunity is BAD. I firmly believe that I burn more than enough to tolerate the calories...it's the method of calorie delivery that is not working out. Last night, no bread and already this morning I feel a bit better.

B) I am under a great deal of stress, emotional and physical. Home is hard right now. Watching your man suffer and not get better is beyond hard and it's emotionally draining. Doing e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g when it comes to house and food and laundry and shopping and errands and banking and packing gym bags etc is HARD. Going into every store alone while he waits in the car or at home is hard and sad. My body is already stressed and under actual physiological stress (not the superficial stress that people complain about all the time), all the things that your body normally does, it doesn't do anymore, not properly anyway. Digestion suffers, hydration suffers, skin and hair suffer, weight loss and endurance all suffer.

C) I am physically exhausted. Long Jog on Monday after work, 4am gym on Tuesday morning, yoga on Tuesday night, 4am gym on Wednesday and Thursday morning and spinning on Saturday morning is too much. TOO MUCH.

So, given that I have figured out why I'm feeling injured and fragile and exhausted more than I should be, what do I do about it?

Keep on keeping on...with some revisions! Fortunately the prepaid 5 week yoga course is over as of next week and I am not signing on for the next level right now, I just can't pull it off. Also, at the end of next week is the end of April Fitness Challenge. Then I'm starting a new month long plan in May and some of the workouts are changing. It'll all still be on the same days but a couple of days are going to be shorter (but more intense) which will buy me a little more time to do other things...like....sit down. And as far as the bread problem goes, that's just me wanting to eat things I know that I can't/shouldn't. I'll fix that, no problem.

My sister made a good comment on yesterday's post too about rest. I did build in rest days to my schedule, two a week, but I've really only been considering them gym-rest days and although I don't attend the gym on those two days, I use that 'spare time' to get a zillion other things done. What I should be doing at least for a little while on those rest days is reading a book, sitting in the sun, napping or otherwise recharging my battery in whatever way feels right that day.

It's funny how a person can go through life and be an intelligent person, driven and capable and inspired....and still run headlong into a brick wall without really noticing it coming.

Frustrated!

I was going to talk about focus this morning and how being focussed and being aware of exactly what you are doing can often times propel you forward just as much as when you can completely zone out and the miles fly by (yes, I am jogger).

But. It will have to wait. I have more pressing issues. I need to bitch and hard at that.

Now, this may be just me whining and cry-babying, but hear me out. I do not understand why I get injured all the time. Every time I turn around I'm dealing with something else. Shin splints. Plantar Faciitis. Atrial Tachycardia. Knee injury. Lower back pain. Shoulder injury. And these are all things that have happened or are currently going on in the last 6 months. That seems a bit excessive.

What I don't understand is WHAT MORE CAN I DO?????? I already lift weights to increase my muscle (which protects your joints and ligaments), I'm learning yoga, I vary my cardio so I'm not overtraining, I stretch after every workout and every night before I go to bed. I go to the chiropractor regularly and I go to massage regularly.

It's not like I create little minor injuries so that I can sit on the fat couch and eat bon bons. I push through. Or modify. Or switch up. Injury/illness does not mean sit on the sofa in my world so I figure it can't be the mind/body connection trying to buy excuses to laze about.

I guess I'm just frustrated. Beyond frustrated. How are you ever supposed to get anywhere when you have to stop every 5 minutes to put air in the tires? You'd be exhausted before you ever left the neighborhood.

I work hard. I eat what you're supposed to, I take all the vitamins, I get up at 4am to go to the gym, I fuel properly before and after workouts to maximize the results, I bust my ass at spinning class, I put in the miles and the time and the effort, in reality, more effort than is normal. And I just spin my wheels.

*exhausted sigh*

Two Breakfasts, No Sweat

Morning!

This morning I'm going to give you two excellent, super easy and very healthy breakfasts, one of which you've probably never thought of. I also want to talk about hydration. Ready?

First, since the word 'Eat' is in my blog title, the food. On early morning gym days I always have two breakfasts. The first one is at 4am and I've struggled to find something that is quick, warmish, easy and not terrible to choke down in the middle of the night!



That, my friends, is a mashed sweet potato, covered with a blop of yogurt, about a quarter cup of previously frozen berries (so as to be nice and juicy) and then topped with a drizzle of honey (you don't need the honey if you don't want it, the potato and the yogurt are quite sweet already). To easily make this breakfast:

The night before, wash and stab a sweet potato several times. Wrap in two layers of papertowel and then soak with water. Squeeze out some of the excess, so it's not dripping, and then microwave on high for approximately 6 minutes...shorter for smaller potatoes, longer for larger. You want your potato to be somewhat smooshy when you get it out of the microwave. Cut it in half and scoop the insides out into two seperate bowls. Leave on counter overnight. In the morning, mash the potato, heat in the microwave for about 45 seconds, top with yogurt, berries and honey and breakfast number one is ready to eat!


Breakfast number two is what I have after I've been to the gym, once I get to work. The cooking procedure is hijacked from my sister but the add ins are mine.



Again, the night before, put 1/4 cup oats in a thermos, add a little more than 3/4 cup boiling water, some raisins, pecans/walnuts if you want them and then screw the lid on and leave overnight. In the morning, dump into bowl, microwave for 45 seconds, top with sliced banana and then my personal favourite is to pour ED Smith No Sugar Added pancake syrup on top. It's only 60 cal for 3 tbsp and it makes your oats taste a little like a banana pancake. Delicious!

Now that the food is out of the way, I need to discuss hydration...or more specifically my apparant lack of it. I drink water and rooibos tea all day long. My estimation is that I have anywhere between 2-3 litres of fluid a day. Last Monday when I did Long Jog (which was 7km), I came home and was sick to the point I thought I was getting the flu. Only after some suggestions did I discover it was more than likely a little dehydration. So this Monday, in preparation for Long Jog (to be 8km), I drank lots on Sunday and lots on Monday to ensure that all fluid levels were topped up. During my jog I also make sure to take a few good gulps of water every few minutes. But, alas, it made no difference. Around Mile 3.5, I started to feel a little funny, I had again, mostly stopped sweating. It was the strangest sensation, I could almost watch the sweat evaporate from my wrists up my arms. My skin got very dry and hot and tight and by Mile 4.5 I was pretty much completely dry and my face was tight and itchy. I persevered (dumb in hindsight) to the 5th mile and then called it done. I can't say I felt sick like last week but there's definitely something not quite right.

I sweated lots at the beginning of my run, not profusely, just about average for me and then all of a sudden, nothing and I felt it dry up from my extremeties all the way up to my back and my face. When I came home after showering at the gym, Ray felt my skin and said it felt weird. Strangely dry...dry like no skin oils, parched sort of.

I'm wondering if Gatorade would help while I'm exercising? Or perhaps it's possible that anything over about 6km is just too much for me right now? Maybe I should hold steady at 6 for awhile? I'm really not sure. I know dehydration is dangerous and I also know that I have a heart condition so I can't be screwing around with it. I've never experienced this before though so I'm not really sure what to do to fix it.

Anyway, I only felt a little nauseated before bed last night and the gym this morning was totally fine. I did an elliptical warm up and then a good upper body free weight session for an hour and then abs, butt and weighted power squats. Smiley face for yesterday and today!

See you tomorrow!
PS. Let me know if you try the sweet potato for breakfast!

Weekend Recap 2

Where did I leave off? Friday after work we went out for dinner with Ray's mom. I had a sirloin steak salad with strawberries, pecans and feta. Delicious. But. I have reached my absolute limit as far as eating anymore leafy greens for awhile. I've been having spinach salad for lunch every day for months now and before that it was mixed green salad. I cannot eat anymore rabbit food. Give me the rabbit! Just kidding.

What my immediate withdrawal from salad did was force me to create a new lunch menu item which would still be healthful and include veggies and protein. Enter Curried Chicken Quinoa. It is so delicious and although I'm not a huge fan of posting recipes, I am going to do so on this one because you can make the whole recipe on Sunday afternoon in about 15 minutes and not have to figure out anything for lunch for the rest of the week!

4 chicken breasts, diced (I used the packaged precooked chicken which worked beautifully!)
1 tbsp tamari (sub soy sauce if desired)
2 tsp yellow curry powder
If using precooked chicken, dice chicken, toss in large bowl with tamari and curry. If using breasts, cook in tamari and curry, then put in large bowl.

1 cup quinoa
1.5 cups water
2 tsp yellow curry powder
Rinse quinoa, put in pot with water and curry, bring to boil. Reduce to simmer uncovered 12-15 minutes or until all liquid absorbed.

small handful craisins
1 or 2 carrots, grated
bunch green onions, chopped
can black beans, rinsed and drained
half large red pepper, julienned
10 or so cherry tomatos, halved (or regular tomato chopped)

Mix all together in large bowl. Top each serving with halved pecans or diced avacado...or nothing.

Now, it you're counting calories, this recipe in full works out to be about 2,000 calories. There is MORE than enough to divide into 5 days worth. If you're not counting calories but just eating for health, this beats the band. It's about 40g protein/serving, good fat, good carbs and good fibre. Colourful and varied, just what we should be eating. (PS, that's my new hat there in the background, made by my talented sister!)



OK, recipe aside, I am beyond thrilled to report that I insured my motorcycle on the weekend and we went for our first tandem ride (two bikes) in almost 8 months!!! It was, oh my goodness, SO nice to be on my bike with Ray ahead of me on his and everything seemed so perfectly normal for a short time. The posture of him riding his bike is actually very easy on his injury and we mostly have to stick to backroads and minimal traffic areas so that there is less chance of him having to put his foot down. But for a short hour or so yesterday I was able to pretend that everything was normal again. Besides riding my motorcycle behind my sweet love, motorcycle riding is an amazing soothe for my soul and it was sooo needed. I was a little shaky in the corners and at traffic lights I had a few hard landings but it was all good. So good.




Spinning on Saturday morning sucked, the instructor was horrible....the workout was intense though....you just had to convince yourself to get after it rather than listening to the instructor because she pretty much didn't say anything. My legs burned though for the rest of the day and into Sunday so I supose that's good! Saturday night we went for dinner with Sister and her boyfriend and Sunday was riding and groceries and cooking and housework. All in all, not a bad weekend!

I made a decision on the weekend that if I'm eligible for the heart surgery to get rid of my A-Tach then I'm going to get it done. It's scary and a little nervewracking but they do it all the time and once it's done it's gone forever!

Today after work is Long Jog Day and I have 5 miles (8km) lined up. I realized this morning that even if I have to take one or two walking breaks (which I hope not to), that does not constitute failure of the task. I was busy hydrating myself last night and will do so all day today in order to avoid last Monday's debaucle.

See you tomorrow!

Halfway!

Today marks the halfway point in my April Fitness Challenge. I was still a little let down by my oversleeping yesterday but in the big picture, it really doesn't make any difference so I'm officially over it.

When I planned AFC, I figured that I could do anything for a month, I planned in rest days, I made sure to keep the schedule interesting and varied. And so far, so good! What I didn't count on was overwhelming exhaustion at the end of this week. I'm pretty sure it's a combination of a little bit of low iron (which I do regularly take care of unless I forget!) and mental/emotional exhaustion given what is going on at home with Ray's injury and my need to have my heart medication adjusted. I really don't believe it has anything to do with the gym and for that reason I refuse to get discouraged or reduce my schedule. The gym and my workouts and my improved fitness are what is going to save me in the long run. So tomorrow I spin!

Since last night I was getting discouraged and the "What's the point, you'll never get there!" speech kept going round and round in my head, I did something to make myself feel better. I took a nice bath, poured a glass of wine, combed my hair and put on a black camisole and pretty black underwear and wandered around the house for the rest of the night like that. I didn't do it to initiate sex or tease Ray, that wasn't the point at all, it was meant to make myself feel good about me and it worked beautifully. So my little panty parade last night has geared me up to finish out the last half of AFC strong. I'm rejuvenated and ready to rock. I highly recommend a panty parade to anyone who is feeling slightly discouraged or unpretty. Put on the pretties and soak up your feminine strength and beauty and keep rocking!

Day Fourteen

Remember yesterday how I said I slept through my alarm clock for 3 minutes? Weeeellll.....today was worse. I didn't so much sleep through it as turned it off when it blared and then fell right back asleep as though it was Saturday morning. I woke at 4:45 and realized that I could no longer save AFC Day Fourteen. I have chalked Day Fourteen up as my No Way Day although I really believe that if I'm so tired as to be incoherent enough to not remember that I have to GET UP when the black box starts to make noise, then I probably need the rest day. Right? RIGHT?!

So Day Fourteen is toast, no smiley face and I would like to talk about something else. Costco. I love Costco and I really believe that Costco can be a saving grace for healthy eating. It can also be your worst nightmare as far as unhealthy crap that is passed off as tasty and nutritious. Back in my...umm...unhealthy days, I used to LOVE Costco for the gyozas and the pizzas and the cheeses and the chips and 'veggie' chips and the soups and soup mixes etc. Oh, the trailmix and the power bars and the tamari almonds, oh my!

Even though those days are well and truly behind me, it doesn't mean that Costco is off limits, nope! Yesterday my little foray into Costco included 4 pounds of raisins, 10 pounds of steel cut oats (for only $7 and they are from the town I live in, yay carbon footprint!), two containers of Tribe hummus, a box of multigrain crackers, a big bag of raw almonds, mini wheats (for Ray) and a large bag of jasmine rice.

Yes, quite a bit different from what I used to buy there....less fat, mostly whole or minimally processed foods that are all delicious and have all sorts of nutritional value!

It's funny when I think about the old cart contents, they appear in my mind as absurdly bright, shiny and neon, a bit alien. The new cart contents show up in my mind as more neutral, subdued and natural...real. Go figure.

Anyway, Day Fourteen is done, if not quite as successfully as I would have preferred. We're having homemade Garlic Lime Chicken Fajitas for dinner tonight (made by me) and a 50 calorie real fruit Del Monte popsicle for dessert. And, if I get everything done that needs doing and it's not pouring rain (or snowing like this morning), I may take Pedals out for a ride.

Lucky Thirteen!

Oh morning, how I hated thee! First of all, I slept through my alarm clock by 3 minutes, which is not a huge deal at all but it is definitely a good indicator of my level of tiredness. Sleeping through music blaring eight inches from my head is always remarkable to me. Anyway, I managed to have a rather involved conversation with myself in the space of two actual minutes about what excuse I could make to not go to the gym and why it would be perfectly acceptable to forget it and go back to sleep. My 'bad brain' didn't win though and off I went.

Before I go too far, let me say that I wrapped up a stellar Day Twelve yesterday with an evening yoga class. We learned Sun Salutations yesterday and while that might sound peaceful and relaxing, it was actually contortionist aerobics. The one day I didn't take a hair elastic and wore long pants to the class was the day that we worked up an incredible sweat. (see link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbMr6GTWkG4&feature=related)

Back to now. Today is Day Thirteen and was a bike race day. I did 45 minutes (12 miles) of interval training on the stationary bike and then followed it up with some good stretching. I'm coming to see just how important stretching is and while the progress is incredibly slow (and sometimes painful), there is progress and flexibility reduces injury and improves performance.

Speaking of injury, I'm sitting here with my knee under ice right now because I think it's experiencing some overuse. I'm a person who is very, VERY sensitive to change of any sort and it's not unusual for me to become injured from one day to the next and then not injured the next day. So ice it is, until my knee relaxes and then it'll all be good to go again.

Now, onto more serious matters. I have a heart condition, I've had it probably for my whole life but only in the last 6 months has it reared its head. It's called Atrial Tachycardia and it means that the top of my heart cannot regulate itself and often times it goes batshit crazy and beats about a zillion times per minute. It's startling every time it happens and when it happens over and over in the same day it's exhausting both mentally and physically. In the last 3 months since I've really beefed up the exercise, those fibrillations have been coming fewer and further between. What I used to have about 5-10 times/day I now am getting only about once/week. Score! Right. The medication that I take for my heart doesn't actually change the rythym, it just slows it down overall. Exercise, especially when you get into the higher endurance (5+km jogging, hour+ cycling etc) sort, also slows your heart down because your heart becomes more powerful and each beat it produces sends a stronger push of blood into the body, making it not necessary to beat as often. Which is great! Unless you also have an artificially reduced heart rate....which is not great because it means that my resting heart rate is approximately 40-42 bpm. According to all the charts, I am an elite athlete. Only I'm not. What I am is blacking out on a quasi-regular basis and I'm frickin' exhausted even after a nap or a workout, both of which should energize you.

So I went to my family doctor yesterday to discuss what we could do about this. Not exercising and just sitting around and letting my heart get weaker (thereby beat faster) in order to counteract the medication didn't seem optimal to me. My doctor agreed and she's going to discuss the problem with my cardiologist (better her than me) and either I get to try a medication switch (beta blockers to calcium channel blockers) or I have to have an invasive procedure done whereby they send a catheter into my heart and burn out the section that isn't playing nice. If I get the medication switched and it doesn't work...then I get the surgery.

I can't say I'm really stressed out about it....ideally they give me the surgery, it takes me a week or so to recover and then I no longer have this annoying heart condition, I'll be right as rain, no pills required. Ideal as the surgery is though, it's voluntary at this time and I have a hard time volunteering for someone to stick a hot wire up a major blood vessel and start cooking my heart. I'm just sayin'. :)

Day Twelve!

Morning!

AFC Day 12 (TWELVE!) is complete. Day 11 was Long Jog Day and I definitely ran a long one (well, long for me, anyway). 4.4 miles (7 km) in 48 minutes. That's almost an eleven minute mile which is a bit slower than I've been doing (reasons below). I can be very glad that I actually made it through the entire run however I did have to stop for one walking break and the resulting sickness after the run was something I would like to never have again. I thought it odd, around 3.5 miles, that I wasn't really sweating anymore but I didn't think anything of it, I actually thought maybe I wasn't working that hard. Right. I also found it odd that the base of my stomach was hurting. Anatomy not being my strong suite, but you know how it feels like your abdomen has a 'floor' that all the organs sit on? Well that's what was hurting, just sort of aching around half way through.

Anyway, I completed my distance and off I went to the shower where I thought for sure I was going to be sick. Home, dinner, sitting on sofa and I really thought I had the flu. I tried some yoga poses to relax because my entire body was aching and spasming but I just felt like I was going to vomit into my hair so I put the yoga mat away! We went so far as to drive to the grocery store so that I could pick up some gravol, just in case. Ray thought I might need a soft serve Dairy Queen ice cream cone on the way home and I was delighted to find that I was starting to feel better after that. I think that I had a triple whammy yesterday....I think I was slightly dehydrated, combined with my heart rate being already quite low (dr appt today) and plus I didn't fuel properly prior to the jog, not like I normally do anyway. I went to bed early and thank heavens this morning I feel fine, if a little tired.

This morning's gym date was a warm up on the eliptical and then an hour of upper body weight lifting along with some power squats (works the INSIDE of the thighs) and some arse and ab exercises on the floor.

Feeling pretty darn good that I'm already at Day Twelve and haven't used my No Way Day yet although last night I thought for sure today would be the day. I have yoga tonight and then another early bedtime, methinks.

Have a great one!

Weekend Recap

Good Morning,

Let's recap the weekend, shall we?

Friday Night
As we discussed, Friday was a rest day and definitely did include the chocolate-peanut butter raspberry smoothy. Delicious, I highly recommend! I also went for a massage on Friday evening...necessary for my ridiculously tight muscles which are being made tighter by all the exercise...but also very relaxing and lovely. Upon returning home Ray and I went to Futureshop where my sweet man treated me to a new iPod Shuffle....my regular iPod has to be worn on an arm band which does not work well when pushing weights. Anyway, the new (and very tiny) baby is gold and I'm in love with it.

Saturday
First thing (8:30am) on Saturday morning saw me killing myself at a spinning class....which was slated to go for 45 minutes but the instructor was a sub and did a full hour. Lord-ee! By the end of the interval races I had no more turn left in the tension knob, completely maxed out. In the space of about two hours I drank a litre of water, 3/4 litre of gatorade, a litre of protein powder (mixed with water) and didn't go pee once. I also purchased one of the new Tim Horton's Real Fruit Smoothys for my drive to my next destination, post-gym, but it was disgusting! Tasted like fruit punch but with extra sweetness. Really, so sweet I couldn't even drink it, that one got tossed into the trash at my first chance!

Saturday afternoon we went out for a nice lunch and then came home and took a nap, watched hockey in the evening and went to bed at a reasonable time.

Sunday
Sunday was another rest day...well...a non gym day, anyway. I had an at home wax appointment first thing in the morning followed by coffee with my mom, grocery shopping, four loads of laundry, sheet change, a quick trip to London Drugs to replace my gym shower scrubby which got dropped in the toilet on Saturday night, a nap and a decent dinner, gave the man a haircut, watched a little television and the weekend was over.

Food was pretty good all weekend....at home smoothy, nice fresh chicken and goat cheese sandwich, dark chocolate, green salad. The not so good parts would include Pizza Hut, a half a bag of kettle chips, a huge chocolate cookie and some walnut chocolate brownie that I made on Saturday.

Let Monday begin! Today is Long Jog Day and the goal is to jog 4.4 miles (8.1km) without stopping at a pace of 5.6-5.8mph. Wish me luck!

Ode To A Rest Day

Oh Rest Day, how I adore thee. You gave me an extra 2 hours of sleep this morning (plus I went to bed at 8pm!) and you let me shower at home and make my own coffee.

Rest Day, as much as I love you, unfortunately sometimes you make me feel lazy. When I am going all week like my hair is on fire and then you show up at the end of the week and let me do nothing, I feel like I'm cheating.

We need to rethink how I think about you. You're just as important (if not moreso) than Gym Day. You aren't lazy-time, you're recovery time and self-love time and relax-y time so that when Gym Day shows up again, I'll be ready and able to go.

So, Rest Day, today you are going to include a chocolate-peanut butter-raspberry smoothy for dinner (which I LOVE) and an hour long massage (which I really deserve). You may also include a glass of wine, a popsicle and an early bedtime. You will not include any feelings of guilt, cheating or laziness. You will not try to tell me that my precious few hours of 'no plans' means that it's the perfect time to go and ride my pedal bike on my uphill training route. You will be warm and restful and kind. And when our day together is over and Gym Day shows up on Saturday morning, I will remember that you're coming back over on Sunday and that we will have a lovely time together again.

You play an important part in April Fitness Challenge and I must let you do your thing so that I can rock my thing!

Pushing Weights ~ A Book Review

Morning! After yesterday's ridiculous start to the day, the whole thing just got a lot worse. Honestly, that was probably the worst day on record for the last while.

I really do thank myself that I have been exercising regularly for awhile because as horreeeeble as yesterday was, I can imagine that it would have been a whole lot worse had I not been slightly endorphin-medicated that morning.

Anyway, yesterday is over, my moment of weakness has passed, I'm back to soldiering on. This morning was weights again (Tuesdays and Thursdays). Ray and I sat down last night and reviewed our weight lifting book and made a better and more organized/thorough plan for me to follow.

I would like to take a moment and explain this book because if you can't afford a personal trainer and you don't know what weights to lift or what exercises to do in order to target certain muscles, this book is for you! It costs about $30 (we bought it in the US) and is extremely comprehensive.

It's seperated into sections, Arms, Shoulders, Chest, Back, Legs, Bum, and Stretching. Each exercise shows the proper position and names some of the key muscles. In the main picture it shows in a reddish highlight what main muscle you're working. In the top right corner though, it shows all the muscles that are engaged when doing the exercise. Some moves are shown with alternates or variations in order to change the target area.

I realize I'm going on about it but if you're scared or unsure or confused by free weights and weight machines, get this book, go to your gym and see what you can do. (I take the book with me to the gym and consult it as needed while exercising) The book provides enough variation that it would be difficult to become bored. For triceps for instance, there are at least 10 different exercises (with variations) so that you can change it up.

So, I rocked Day Seven in the weight room for about an hour this morning and that is the end of my early morning workouts for this week.

A friend posted a status update yesterday that got me to thinking; "We always want what we can't have." and I decided to change that lament to; "We can have what we go and get.". Decide what you want, marry it with how much effort you're willing to put in and then get after it.

Oh, and PS! No more key!

Did NOT See That One Coming!

Morning!

At 4:15am this morning when my alarm went off, I wandered around the house, made my yam breakfast, changed my clothes and thought about how I was going to tell you today that getting up at 4am the day before, killing a workout on the worst day of that time of the month, working all day, coming home and making and cleaning up dinner, going to yoga for an hour and then staying up until 10pm to watch Biggest Loser does not really make for a very happy morning the next day. But....I got up at 4:15am with no complaining and went to the gym.

Today was Day Six and was slotted as a Cardio Day. Since I have a bike race coming up soon I thought the best use of my time would be the upright stationary bike. Man, that beast can make me work! I did an aerobic training workout on the bike and managed 12 miles in 45 minutes doing interval work the whole time. That's pretty much half of the distance I will be required to ride Pedals in May. Not too shabby! 6 minutes of hard rowing concluded Day Six's workout and off I went, merrily on my sweaty way to go and have a shower.

Aaaaaaaannnnnddddd....then it all went for a shit.

(I will take a moment here to explain how my gym is laid out. When you come in the front door you are at the reception desk in the middle of the gym proper. You walk about 150 feet past the Group Exercise studio and through the co ed stretching stations. Through a set of double doors into the Ladies Only Fitness area. 60 more feet and you're into the relative safety of the Ladies Change Area.)

Now, back to my story. Into the change room I go, strip down, nice hot shower, dry off, walk back to....oh....um....shit....NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I had locked my locker key IN MY LOCKER with everything that I own. In order to break into my locker (first thought, definitely not the last thought) I had at my disposal a small blue shower scrubby, a squeeze bottle of face wash, my toothbrush and the chest band of my heart rate monitor. Oh, and the wet bath towel that I was wrapped in. That's it. That's IT!

My next thought, after realizing I wouldn't be pulling any MacGyver style locker breakins with what I had, was to go to the next bank of lockers and ask the girl there, when she was dressed, to please go out to the front desk and get them to bring the bolt cutters in. At this point I still didn't really know the gravity of my situation...cut the lock, problem solved, annoying but not the end of the world. Ya. Sure.

Chrissy (helpful stranger-girl) comes back and tells me that the front desk can't find the bolt cutters...and that sorry, they said it wasn't their problem. All of a sudden my problem became much, much worse. There was nothing that I could do to talk to them myself, walking 210 feet (see layout above) through a co-ed gym in a damp towel didn't seem like much option to me at the time. I tried to call Ray with Chrissy's cell phone but at 6:30 in the morning, there is no way he's going to hear the phone (ear plugs). I'm naked, damp and cold, I have NOTHING with which to help myself and the gym wouldn't do a thing. Chrissy went back out to the desk and her plan was to convince them to do SOMETHING. At that moment my dear friend and coworker showed up and also went to 'discuss' this issue with them. The whole time they were out there, I sat in the changeroom, completely helpless to help myself.

When Tamara returned with no bolt cutters and no good news (but very pissed off....which I appreciated!), the next plan was that I would wear her hoodie with my towel as a sarong-style skirt and drive her car back to my house to get the spare key and then come back. Right at that moment the bolt cutters miraculously appeared, lock was snapped off and my impending half naked drive home was averted.

NOT a good morning so far.

When I went to leave, I stopped at the desk and tried, in a very gentle voice, to explain to 'Jasmine' why her attitude and lack of desire to be helpful for a full 25 minutes was unacceptable. And I tried to explain to her that they SELL CLOTHES at the front desk and it would have been a reasonable thing to offer me some (which I would obviously purchase once my wallet was free) so that I could try to help myself. She just sat there....staring at me....like I was an alien. Yes, it was my fault, my mistake. But is there not some level of responsibility from the gym and the staff that when things like this happen that they are obligated to fix the problem that I have created?

So, while I would have like to just tell you about how hard it was to get up this morning because of yesterday's activities, unfortunately fate decided that was too boring/lame of a story to tell and created this instead.

ANYWAY, it's over, we're having taco salad for dinner tonight and I have to go and purchase a new lock for tomorrow morning. Day Six, you rocked my workout but the rest of you sucks bobo!

That Wasn't So Bad!

AFC Days One through Four were pretty easy as far as motivation and getting going. Day One was a rest day (as though I planned it like that!), spinning on Saturday, rest day on Sunday, Long Jog on Monday after work. All fairly easy to do as far as actually getting there and getting going.

Before I continue, I'll break in here and say that Long Jog yesterday went VERY well. Going into it I was a little upset from a previous telephone conversation but as I started to jog I just left it all behind me, drowning it in my sweat! I love to watch Law & Order: SVU and it happens to play on at the same time as I jog when I go after work. I got 4 miles (6.4km) done in just under 45 minutes with no rest stops. That is a distance and time-without-stopping record for me and I'm very proud! Next week I'll keep the speed the same and increase the distance by 10%. Then the next week my plan is to drop the distance back to what I ran this week but increase my speed by 10%. I have to get a little faster or my Long Jog workouts are going to get much too lengthy, timewise.

(10% is the sticky number, btw, for increasing either speed or distance in a week to avoid injury. Don't do both at the same time and don't do more than 10%.)

Anyway, this morning was going to be the litmus test of whether or not I'm off to a decent start with AFC. My alarm was set to go off at 4am and to add insult to early morning injury, I had killer cramps all night and they hadn't let up by the ding-dong of the clock. I decided that there is no such thing as perfect and that meant that I would keep my AFC gym date this morning. I made a deal with myself that if I still felt horrible after my workout that I would go back home to bed and call in sick. Turns out? Exercise helps (as does Aleve!) and here I am, drinking coffee at my desk, an excellent workout under my belt and another smiley face for my AFC schedule!

Tonight is yoga which I'm pretty happy about, it's a totally different kind of attention that I give to my body...difficult in some respects but in a much different manner than regular exercise. I'm determined to like yoga....because I like the result of not having little aches and pains and twinges every time I move or twist or bend. It's also a nice quiet time out of the house and I get to do something nice for myself that is a little out of my comfort zone.

AFC Day Five is under my belt!

Not Good Enough

In my last post I mentioned that I was going to make sure that I made my best effort for the next month and whatever the results end up being, that is going to be the best I could do. The next immediate thought in my head was "Oh dear Lord, what if my best isn't good enough?! I should totally have a 'free' day (or several) sometime this month so that if my best turns out not to be very good, I can just chalk it up to Free Day(s) and it really wouldn't have anything to do with ME, but with a bad choice or two that I made."

Riiight. Crazy!

It's not really that crazy though, is it? That self defeating attitude isn't crazy at all, it's self preservationist. If you can blame something else for your lack of results (real or perceived) then you don't have to blame your own shortcomings (again, real or perceived).

Right now I still refuse to set any goals beyond showing up for my schedule every day and doing my absolute best (which includes fueling for my challenge). I'm going to have to figure out a way to be accepting of whatever result I get.

Any suggestions?

Be Mindful

I hear people use this word often when it comes to healthy lifestyle. "Be mindful." But what does it mean? I guess it means something different to everyone and perhaps even something different at different times. I've used it as an excuse to eat crap, because I "knew" what I was doing, I wasn't doing it blindly. I think that's not really what people mean. For me, right now in my AFC schedule, it means that I need to think about what I'm doing each day and what that activity actually requires. It's so easy to tell myself "Well I went to the gym this morning!" and then order a 1200 calorie breakfast skillet at the local restaurant for dinner. Sure, I went to the gym this morning but I guaranTEE you that I did not burn off anywhere near enough calories to account for that menu choice. Nor am I an Olympian who 'needs' that much fuel to feed her muscle. In reality, I burn about 300-500 calories per gym visit (sometimes more if I'm really rocking it) and that equates to not a hell of a lot...not if I want to lose a couple of pounds, too. I've also gotten stuck in the trap of eating 'whatever' and justifying it the same way as above, I workout so I can eat whatever I want. It does work...to a point...and then it stops working. So, all that said, my goal for this month is to:

I will be mindful of what I'm eating, the quality and quantity and I will make sure that I am giving myself the best possible chance to succeed. At the end of April, there will be no regrets, no excuses, whatever I achieve is the best I could do. Honestly. PS. I can't figure out how to make paraghraphs...I type my post in paragraphs and then blogger eats them. Just so you know....I DO know where my "Enter" key is located.

Hijacked!

So the name of this website is Ride Eat Repeat....which is pretty much how I live my life. The only thing a wee bit different right now in this 'pre-motorcycle' season is that I am riding a pedal bike. Her name is Pedals and I got her for my birthday last year. I've tweaked her, bought her a fancy rhinestone bell, gave her some saddle bags and a fancy odometer. She's tricked right out and I love her. In November when I got diagnosed with my heart problems, she got garaged and she hasn't been out much since then. The weather has been crap and exercising outside in the cold is too hard on my heart now so she's been forced into hibernation. On May 15, I will be riding her 40km (24 miles) to raise money for a local hospital. In order to do this, I have to focus a little more dilegently on my cardio conditioning and overall fitness. And for that reason, I have developed April Fitness Challenge. Now normally I go to the gym two mornings a week (if I can get out of bed...usually it's more like 1 morning) and once during the week on the way home from work. Sometimes I drag myself to a morning spinning class on the weekend but more often than not, I don't. I also should mention that when I go to the gym in the morning, I call it 4:30am but that's actually when I get out of bed (hard, yes!). When I actually GET to the gym is more like 5am and then change and find the treadmill and I really only get about 35 or 40 minutes of exercise in. Not really good enough, nope. April Fitness Challenge is going to change all that. I've decided that I want and need something more and the only way to get that is to work for it. I've also remembered that it never gets easier. It's not like a week or a month from now I'm going to suddenly WANT to get up at 4am and go to work out and that it's going to feel like kittens licking the flab off. Nope, it's always going to be hard so I might as well get started. The schedule below is my month long plan to improve my fitness and drop some pounds and train for my ride. It will also help me to train for my upcoming 10km run in June. I am temporarily hijacking this blog to chronicle my training for Wheel to Heal ride and to try to help myself stay on track with my AFC schedule. There are a couple of caveats built into this plan, the days with a red square around the date are optional bale days due to female logistical issues, I may need none of them but more than likely I will need at least one. And I have one built in No Way Day that I can pull out ONCE during the month for a free pass for no reason at all. Other than that, it's full go!

Not Much Riding

It's been exactly 6 months today that I've ridden my bike. My sweet baby is under cover in the garage, patiently awaiting warmer weather. I'm wishing I was under cover and am trying not to have a complete breakdown on a daily basis.

Let's look at what's been going on in the last 6 months.

October 2010 ~ Ray and I finally made the decision that I would give up my apartment and move into the house. While excellent and happy news, it was a tonne of work and definitely an adjustment that would have been easier to make had everything else not gone for a shit!

October 15, 2010 ~ our aging boxer, Brandy, had a series of seizures and we thought we were going to lose her. She rallied after a couple of days at the vet and returned home. I now medicate her daily before I go to work.

October 30, 2010 ~ after several weeks of increasing back pain, Ray got a doctor's note and stopped working. We thought that it would be a couple weeks of a bit of rest and he would be good as new. Almost 5 full months later, things have gone from bad to better to terrible to worse. In the last week, Ray had a severe backslide and was unable to walk, stand or sit. He's pretty much been laid out on our living room floor for 5 days in excruciating pain. We're trying an experimental treatment now that has an 86% full recovery rate. It's a month long and cost us $6000 but it will be worth every penny if we can just get our lives back.

November 7, 2010 ~ I wound up in the emergency room of our local hospital after a weird breathing/heart racing/passing out incident after a pedal bike ride outside. My doctor did some tests and found the marker which indicated heart attack and sent me to the ER. An overnight stay and a plethora of tests later, I was diagnosed with Atrial Tachycardia. Ultimately that means lifelong medication if I don't qualify for the surgery to repair. The entire month of November saw me off work and trying to adjust to the new medication and the horrible side effects as well as trying to fight off a brutal throat infection, no doubt picked up during my stay at the hospital.

December 2010 ~ I won't get into the details here but the meshing of Ray's kids and ex family with myself and my family during the holidays is ridiculous. It has since been determined via request from Ray's daughter, that I will not be present on Christmas Day, it is not my 'place'. Obviously Ray is put in between a rock and hard place and in this instance, I lose. She will get what she wants and Ray and I will never be able to spend Christmas morning/dinner together. This one I can't dwell on though because it really could destroy me emotionally.

The only things that we've had to deal with this year as far as incidents is the dog's health. She's been in and out of the vet a lot. She's started peeing and randomly shitting in the house and right now I'm the one who has to clean it up. With everything else going on, the dog is my absolute LAST priority and this messing in the house thing makes me very resentful that she's even around and that her health and needs are competing with the little amount of time that I try to scratch out for myself.

Unfortunately the stress of trying to keep everything under control, particularly this week and heading forth into the next month, is giving my heart a run for its money; stress and A Tach are not good together and I'm figuring that out quickly. I've been carving out time to go to the gym every day because it's important for my sanity and my heart health. It means though that after gym I still have a couple of hours of work at home to do before I can sit down for the evening and then it's bed time. I know it will all be over (God willing) in a month or so but for right now it's completely consuming and hard and emotionally trying and I'm doing the bloody best I can. I'm trying very hard not to think of what will happen if this treatment doesn't work, I'm trying to stay completely positive for Ray. I'm doing literally everything for him and at the same time trying to make sure he doesn't feel any guilt or shame associated with that.

Anyway, that's my first post back after a lengthy absence and I hope that it's slightly more obvious why I've been missing.

Until next time!
S

They're not all perfect!

Riding a motorcycle is relaxing and fun and renews the spirit. Most of the time. The times that go south though are so stressful that it makes me want to put my bike away for a few days and take a deep breath.

This weekend Ray had to work and instead of wasting what was the first really gorgeous weekend here on the West Coast, I chose to go on a group ride with some of the members of a bike club that we're associated with. We've been members for 2 years but this would be my first ride with them....it's just never worked out time-wise in the past to go on a ride. This would also be my first group ride without Ray.

It did not go well.

I guess maybe I've been spoiled by following Ray all this time, and following our good friends when I'm not following him. Also I've followed the Harley guys from time to time. Maybe I'm spoiled that I expect the leader to exhibit some form of safe riding. Spoiled by expecting people to use their signal lights when leading a group. By expecting the leader to notice when he loses half his group at a traffic light as soon as it happens, not 8 kilometers later (and then being pissed off at them). By expecting the leader to not exceed the speed limit by more than 20km/hour. By expecting the leader to respect playground signs that are as big as my freaking car. By expecting the leader to actually stop at stop signs and 4-ways. To wait either until the light turns green to turn right or until there is a gap large enough for the entire group to get through, not just yourself. Maybe I expect too much. All I know is that by the time I got to Ray in Horseshoe Bay (he had to work in the morning and rode up to meet me there for lunch), I was so stressed out and worked up I couldn't even begin to start talking to him for a good 5 minutes for fear that I would cry out of shear pissed-off-ed-ness.

I guess I've also been spoiled by the folks that we've been riding with because I have NEVER been tailgated as closely by a bike in my own group as I was today. I could see the guy's front tire out of the corner of my eye and we were doing 100km/h down the freeway. I've also never been passed by the entire group of 13 bikes when I was already doing 25km/h over the speed limit. I was so offended that had I had a clue where I was, I would have turned around and gone to Horseshoe Bay myself. Once I got passed by every single bike, I had no idea where we were going and by shear luck made the correct guess on turning to finally meet up with them.

All the safety issues aside, I was also dealing with the fact that my feelings were hurt. The leader is a friend of mine and I explained to him that I am still a little hesitant/nervous when riding without Ray or with strangers and I really expected that he would lead a ride that was reasonable and safe and enjoyable for everyone there, if only for the fact that I bared my vulnerability and told him I was nervous.

Whatever, I guess I expected too much.

Crappy day, I'm exhausted.