Not Much Riding

It's been exactly 6 months today that I've ridden my bike. My sweet baby is under cover in the garage, patiently awaiting warmer weather. I'm wishing I was under cover and am trying not to have a complete breakdown on a daily basis.

Let's look at what's been going on in the last 6 months.

October 2010 ~ Ray and I finally made the decision that I would give up my apartment and move into the house. While excellent and happy news, it was a tonne of work and definitely an adjustment that would have been easier to make had everything else not gone for a shit!

October 15, 2010 ~ our aging boxer, Brandy, had a series of seizures and we thought we were going to lose her. She rallied after a couple of days at the vet and returned home. I now medicate her daily before I go to work.

October 30, 2010 ~ after several weeks of increasing back pain, Ray got a doctor's note and stopped working. We thought that it would be a couple weeks of a bit of rest and he would be good as new. Almost 5 full months later, things have gone from bad to better to terrible to worse. In the last week, Ray had a severe backslide and was unable to walk, stand or sit. He's pretty much been laid out on our living room floor for 5 days in excruciating pain. We're trying an experimental treatment now that has an 86% full recovery rate. It's a month long and cost us $6000 but it will be worth every penny if we can just get our lives back.

November 7, 2010 ~ I wound up in the emergency room of our local hospital after a weird breathing/heart racing/passing out incident after a pedal bike ride outside. My doctor did some tests and found the marker which indicated heart attack and sent me to the ER. An overnight stay and a plethora of tests later, I was diagnosed with Atrial Tachycardia. Ultimately that means lifelong medication if I don't qualify for the surgery to repair. The entire month of November saw me off work and trying to adjust to the new medication and the horrible side effects as well as trying to fight off a brutal throat infection, no doubt picked up during my stay at the hospital.

December 2010 ~ I won't get into the details here but the meshing of Ray's kids and ex family with myself and my family during the holidays is ridiculous. It has since been determined via request from Ray's daughter, that I will not be present on Christmas Day, it is not my 'place'. Obviously Ray is put in between a rock and hard place and in this instance, I lose. She will get what she wants and Ray and I will never be able to spend Christmas morning/dinner together. This one I can't dwell on though because it really could destroy me emotionally.

The only things that we've had to deal with this year as far as incidents is the dog's health. She's been in and out of the vet a lot. She's started peeing and randomly shitting in the house and right now I'm the one who has to clean it up. With everything else going on, the dog is my absolute LAST priority and this messing in the house thing makes me very resentful that she's even around and that her health and needs are competing with the little amount of time that I try to scratch out for myself.

Unfortunately the stress of trying to keep everything under control, particularly this week and heading forth into the next month, is giving my heart a run for its money; stress and A Tach are not good together and I'm figuring that out quickly. I've been carving out time to go to the gym every day because it's important for my sanity and my heart health. It means though that after gym I still have a couple of hours of work at home to do before I can sit down for the evening and then it's bed time. I know it will all be over (God willing) in a month or so but for right now it's completely consuming and hard and emotionally trying and I'm doing the bloody best I can. I'm trying very hard not to think of what will happen if this treatment doesn't work, I'm trying to stay completely positive for Ray. I'm doing literally everything for him and at the same time trying to make sure he doesn't feel any guilt or shame associated with that.

Anyway, that's my first post back after a lengthy absence and I hope that it's slightly more obvious why I've been missing.

Until next time!
S